


The Feeling of Falling

by Lyrisvox



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Cheating, Divorce, Eddie - Freeform, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gay Richie Tozier, Hand Jobs, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Porn with Feelings, Semi-Public Sex, Sharing a Bed, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 14:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrisvox/pseuds/Lyrisvox
Summary: They’d destroyed It, but the memories from Derry, old and new, refused to settle inside him. They were too much, too big, and Eddie was stretched to his limit trying to hold it all in.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 148





	The Feeling of Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. A couple of notes about this fic, first off it has duel timelines like in the novel. The current timeline takes place post defeating It but obviously Eddie lives. Also I didn't use the underage tag but there is some sexual experimentation in the scenes when Eddie and Richie are younger( pre-teen/ early teen). It's fairly tame but be warned if that kind of thing bothers you. I hope you all enjoy this one and as always I love to hear from ya'll. Thanks.

Forgetting had been so easy for Eddie the first time. The memories of Derry had seeped away as unnoticed as dirty water down a shower drain, replaced with a blank numbness he’d assumed all adults felt about their childhood. It was a part of his life that was resolutely in the past. Only now it wasn’t. It was as fresh and raw as the brand new wound in his chest. They’d destroyed It, but the memories from Derry, old and new, refused to settle inside him. They were too much, too big, and Eddie was stretched to his limit trying to hold it all in. 

He lay in his bed in the hotel trying desperately not to cry. His chest and cheek where he’d been stabbed throbbed painfully. He could still picture his blood darkening the quarry’s murky water and how pale and tight Richie’s face had been when he lifted him up and informed him he was taking him to the hospital. He been stitched, bandaged, drugged, and sent home to sleep it off. The doctor had told him to take it very easy until the stitches came out in about two weeks. Richie had appointed himself Eddie’s guardian/nurse and was now no more than four feet away snoring on the other twin bed in the room. 

Richie.

Eddie turned to look at his friend. More than a friend if he was honest with himself, though he’d only recently remembered how much Richie had meant to him. How could he have forgotten his first love? They had been so overwhelmed with performing the ritual and defeating It that he and Richie hadn’t talked about their past. Still, he’d caught Richie more than once staring at him with a softness in his eyes that made Eddie’s stomach flutter. Did Richie still have feelings for him? Stupid question really after what he’d seen down in the sewers. But did he still have feelings for Richie?

No! Eddie shook his head. That was all in the past. He was married to Myra now and there was no room in his life for a sexuality crisis. Besides, lots of people fooled around with their friends when they were young. It was just experimentation. Only the memories had brought back feelings he was struggling to process. Thinking about Richie was expansive and tender. It made it hard to breathe.

_ Eddie looked up from his Superman comic as Richie climbed into the hammock, awkwardly fitting his lanky body into the space opposite of Eddie. Eddie picked up his legs so Richie could get comfortable, then laid them down on top. They were a jumble of skinny limbs and sharp angles and yet he felt completely comfortable like this with Richie. It had become their habit ever since he’d climbed on top of Richie that first time, demanding his share of the hammock even if he had to sit on Richie to get it.  _

_ “Your feet smell,” Richie complained, opening his own comic book. _

_ “They do not!” Eddie protested. “My mom puts perfumed insoles into my shoes.”  _

_ Richie snorted. “Mamma’s boy.” _

_ Eddie shoved his foot in Richie’s face. “Here, how about you take a big whiff.” _

_ They struggled for a bit then dissolved into laughter before both settling back to read. Eddie aware that looking across at Richie made a strange warmth bloom in his chest.  _

“Dammit,” Eddie hissed under his breath.

He had lost control. Being here with Richie had broken him open. He wasn’t sure if he put himself back together that he would be the same Eddie he had been before. Tears started against his will, spilling traitorously down his cheeks as he stared at Richie’s peaceful, sleeping face.

He must have made some noise, a sniffle or whimper that had disturbed Richie’s rest, because a second later his best friend’s eyes were open. 

“Eddie what’s wrong?” Richie whispered. “Is the pain bad?” Richie sat up and rubbed his eyes. 

Eddie couldn’t make himself answer. It did hurt, but he couldn’t tell Richie why. He tried to shake his head but Richie had already thrown back his covers and was beside Eddie’s bed in the next breath. He pulled off the blankets and inspected the bandage on Eddie’s chest. His touch was gentle but it made Eddie shake. 

“Shit! Let me get your pills,” Richie said.

Eddite caught his wrist. “I don’t need those,” he choked out. Narcotics couldn’t take the edge off this pain. 

Richie frowned at him for a minute but he must have seen something in Eddie’s eyes that he recognized. “Scoot over.”

Eddie made room in the bed while his heart picked up speed. The tears had dried now but he was still shaking. Richie slid next to him and without any hesitation pulled Eddie into his arms. Being pressed up against Richie’s body, Richie’s scent in his nose, calmed him. Eddie let himself be held. 

“It’s okay,” Richie whispered into his hair. “We’ve been through some fucked up shit, but it’s okay now.”

“Is it? All the stuff I remember, all the stuff I did. I’ve been stabbed twice! I’m going to need therapy for life after this.”

Richie chuckled and rubbed a hand up and down Eddie’s back. “You and me both. Though to tell the truth I’ll probably stick to whiskey rather than talk to some nosey fucking shrink. Nobody else would believe half of this shit anyway.”

Eddie hummed in agreement and silence fell between them. Richie continued to stroke him and Eddie had calmed down enough that the closeness and Richie’s hands on his body were beginning to make him think of other things. Like the first time they’d kissed. 

_ The Losers had spent the early part of the hot summer afternoon splashing in the river and were now headed for their hideout. The sun shone like diamonds on the surface of the water. The rocks bit into his bare feet as he and Richie scrambled down the bank tossing the stones into the water as they went.  _

_ Eddie was being super careful and the rest of his friends had gone on ahead but Richie stayed back with him. Even creeping along, Eddie managed to slip on the slick stones and would have ended up with a broken nose to go with his broken arm if Richie hadn’t grabbed him around the middle.  _

_ “Woah, there.”  _

_ Richie hauled Eddie against him and the minute their bare chests touched Eddie started to feel hot and shivery. He tried to squirm away but only succeeded in slipping again and Richie drew him even closer. They were flush together from knees to shoulders and Eddie was looking up into Richie’s deep chestnut brown eyes and he somehow still felt like he was falling. Thankfully his fanny pack was smooshed down covering the hardest erection he had ever had in his life.  _

_ Richie’s cheeks were pink and he licked his lips and that did it. Once Eddie’s gaze had fallen to Richie’s mouth he had known exactly what was going to happen. Richie had dipped his head and Eddie closed his eyes and that brief brush of Richie’s spit damp lips against his own had rocketed through him with enough force to make his heart stutter. _

Eddie gasped. He almost swore he could feel Richie’s mouth on his again. And dammit if he wasn’t embarrassingly hard at the memory of his first kiss. Richie moved then, a small twitch of his hips but it was enough to remind Eddie where he was and who was currently cuddled against him in bed. 

“Shit,” Eddie muttered, and he tried to pull away but Richie held him tight.

“It’s okay,” Richie soothed. 

Eddie was on the verge of panicking. He was hard and Richie could feel it. The fact that Richie’s own cock had begun to thicken against his hip did nothing to alleviate the alarms sounding inside his head. He had to get ahold of himself and stop this. 

“Richie, let me go.”

Richie looked down at him and the open longing on his face crumbled Eddie’s objections. He did nothing to stop Richie’s mouth from covering his. In fact he opened to him, meeting the press of tongue and hips with a desperateness of his own. Eddie didn’t know how long they kissed and rutted against each other, or how far they might have gone, but when Richie rolled on top of him Eddie let out a cry of real pain. 

Richie reared back. “Fuck! I’m sorry.”

It took a minute for the vise of pain in his chest to loosen enough for him to speak. 

“What are we doing?” he gasped, not sure what answer he wanted.

Richie started down at him, panting and still hard, and then a smile spread across his face. “Guess you’re still cute enough to drive me crazy.”

Eddie laughed despite the pain. 

Richie moved off of him but stayed in his bed. He laid down on his side and slid his arm across Eddie’s stomach. Eddie lay there strung taut, sure right now the balance between them would tip and he would have no control over how it went. Instead Richie’s breathing slowed and deepened until he snored lightly, cuddled up against Eddie’s side. 

Eddie lay awake for a while longer, savoring Richie’s body heat and his calm breaths. With Richie beside him the anxiety from earlier dissipated, replaced with the strange realization that Richie was protecting him. He drifted off, secure in Richie’s embrace. 

  
  


Over the next couple days the others took off. First Bill, then Ben and Beverely. Mike was still above the library but even he had begun to think of Derry as a thing of the past and was planning his next adventure. Eddie had planned to leave that afternoon but the stab wound had caused him to reschedule his flight for twelve days out. 

He wasn’t sure when Richie would leave and was terrified asking would make him seem needy. They were still sleeping together. Richie had come and climbed in his bed the next night like it was the most natural thing in the world, and while there was no repeat of the dry humping and making out from the night before, Richie didn’t hesitate to snuggle right up next to him. Eddie rationalized this by telling himself they had to be so close in a twin bed. 

He spent a fairly ridiculous amount of his time reassuring Myra over the phone that she didn’t need to come to Derry and take care of him. He’d told her he’d gotten hurt while hiking with his friends and every time he talked to her she vacillated wildly between solicitous concern and motherly scorn, an attitude he did not think would be conducive to his recovery. Not to mention the idea of his wife and Richie in the same room made his head spin. In between dealing with Myra and his work he and Richie mostly laid around reading, talking, and napping. Both of them in dire need of rest. 

Their third morning, after Ben and Beverly left, Richie came up and sat down on the side of his bed. 

“You up for a walk today?”

“Yeah, I could go for a walk.”

They set out from the inn strolling along the sidewalks. There weren’t too many people out but those they saw smiled and waved, completely unaware that less than a week ago an alien creature had been on the verge of drowning the town in nightmares. It jarred Eddie to see these ignorant happy people while he still felt hollowed out. He tensed and closed his eyes. He was relieved when Richie steered them away from town and out toward the woods. Out here Eddie felt like he could again breathe and even forget, for a little while. 

Richie took his hand to tug him onto a path leading into the trees and then threaded their fingers together while they walked. Eddie smiled. Out here with no one but the trees and the occasional squirrel or rabbit to see them, holding Richie’s hand was reckless and true. 

They wandered the trails for what felt like hours, but at last they came to the Loser’s hideout as Eddie had known they would. Both men drawn to the place that had cemented them together in the past.

“Do you want to go in?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded. Richie lifted the trap door and they made their way down the rickety wooden steps. The light streaming down lit the dust motes in the air as Eddie looked around. It made him sadder than he expected to come down here with the weight of all they had lost more present than ever. 

He made a slow circle of the room, pricked by so many memories it was a wonder he wasn’t bleeding. He glanced back at Richie and knew he felt it too from the tight set of his mouth. They had fallen in love. Two young boys caught up in a fight that could have destroyed them, in a town where their kind of love was hated and feared. Yet they had still reached out for each other. Had been unable to turn away from the connection building between them. 

_ Richie had Eddie pinned beneath him on the ground and while part of Eddie’s mind was horrified by the thought of a bug crawling on him, most of him was occupied with how good Richie’s tongue felt in his mouth. They’d been doing this more and more often. Going early, staying late, or just the two of them meeting up, so they could kiss and touch each other in a way Eddie didn’t fully understand, and yet needed the same way he needed air to breathe.  _

_ Richie pulled back and asked, “Are you hard?” _

_ Eddie flushed. He’d been hoping Richie wouldn’t notice. “Well so are you!” he snapped. _

_ “Can I touch yours?” _

_ Eddie felt like all the air had turned solid around him. “What?” _

_ Richie kissed him again. “Here, I’ll let you touch mine.” _

_ Richie took his hand and tugged it towards his groin. He put Eddie’s hand right over the bulge in his pants. The moment hung between them, Eddie’s desire crystallizing inside him until he thought he might shatter. ‘Pull away!’ Eddie’s mind screamed at him. ‘Pull away! Stop this! Touching like this is way worse than kissing.’ Yet Eddie very gently closed his fingers over Richie’s stiff prick.  _

_ “Fuck that feels good,” Richie huffed. “Can I touch you? Please?” _

_ Eddie nodded, his head beginning to fill up with a strange rushing sound. Then Richie’s warm palm was on him through his pants and it was somehow a million times more intense then the few occasions he’d managed to get the courage to touch himself. Richie was kissing him again, kissing and rubbing, and the rushing sound was getting louder and louder until Eddie wondered if he was going to faint. _

_ They both heard the footsteps above at the same time and in sheer panic they shrank away from each other. Bill, Beverly, Stan, Mike and Ben came down the stairs and Eddie was sure they would know what he and Richie had been doing. He scrunched his legs up to hide his boner. His face was red hot and for the first time in his life he wanted the ground to swallow him to save him from this moment.  _

_ “What are you two doing here?” Beverly asked, her eyes sparkling with mischief. _

_ Eddie couldn’t speak, his tongue had gone numb. _

_ “We came to trade comic books but this pussy won’t trade me any of his good ones,” Richie said. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and smiled at Eddie. Eddie stared at him. How could Richie seem so cool when he felt like he was about to spontaneously combust? _

_ It worked though. The others laughed and a few minutes later Eddie even joined in. He had almost put it behind him as they headed out when Richie grabbed his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. _

Eddie looked up from the floor to find he was standing right next to Richie. Without thinking, he took the other man’s hand and squeezed it. Richie put his free hand behind Eddie’s head and pulled him up into a kiss. It was the same and yet different. Richie still kissed him like he was drinking him in, but now he was bigger, taller, and his stubble scratched Eddie’s face. Richie was kissing him and Eddie almost wanted to cry. He was cheating on his wife with a man. Did it matter that Richie was the first person he had ever loved? That It had stolen their chance at love from them? It’s just while we’re here in Derry, he told himself. Once he went back to New York this would be over but while they were here, they could have this. 

This permission loosened something inside him. Eddie put his hands on Richie’s waist, his fingers slipping underneath his T-shirt to touch skin. Richie moaned and it shot right to Eddie’s groin. He closed the distance between them, not sure what he was doing, but sure that right now he needed more of Richie. They melded together hands stroking, tongues caressing. Eddie mapped Richie’s grown up body with his hands, finding he loved the feeling of him as a man even more.

“Can I touch you?” Richie asked.

It was so close to his memory that for a few seconds Eddie saw double, Richie both then and now. 

“Yes.” 

Richie unbuttoned his pants and dipped his fingers beneath the waistband of his underwear.

“Tell me if anything hurts.”

Eddie snorted. “I got stabbed in the face and the chest, but my penis is just fine.”

“Let’s see if I can make it better than fine,” Richie said, and closed his hand around Eddie’s erection. Eddie let out a soft moan as his stomach muscles all clenched in pleasure. He laid his forehead on Richie’s collar bone and started rocking into Richie’s slow, tender strokes. Richie took Eddie’s hand and set it against the button of his jeans.

“Touch mine too.” 

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice, he undid Richie’s jeans and reached in, his hand closing over his hard, silky shaft. He wanted to see it so he pulled Richie’s penis out through the opening of his pants and looked down between them. The sight of his hand on another man’s dick made his knees feel shaky and weak. Richie was long and thick, surprisingly giving credence to his youthful boasting. As Eddie rubbed it fluid beaded at the tip, making his strokes slick. His own cock throbbed in response and suddenly he was right on the threshold of coming. 

“Oh God, I’m gonna,” Eddie’s words ended on a hoarse moan and his orgasm crashed over him. He spurted all over Richie’s hand in his pants. Pleasure burned in his core and he shook with each wave of it. God, he’d been so quick but seeing Richie’s cock in his hand had lit him up like a five alarm fire. 

“Harder, oh yeah, me too… fuck,” Richie groaned as he followed Eddie over the crest. He stared as Richie’s cock erupted in his hand, not sure whether that or the look of pure bliss on his friend’s face was sexier.

They were both spent and the sound of their harsh breaths filled the sunken space around them. 

“I’ve wanted that for so fucking long,” Richie whispered, his lips brushing over Eddie’s neck. 

Eddie’s throat went tight and suddenly he couldn’t pull in enough of the musty air. He let go of Richie and frantically wiped his hand on his jeans. He’d wanted it too. Touching Richie had felt right in a way that frightened him. He wasn’t gay! He had a wife. So why did this thing with Richie feel so damn good? 

“You okay?” Richie asked, studying him with an intense look. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just feel a little overdone, you know?”

“Right. Let’s head back to the hotel. We can pick up lunch on the way.”

Richie wiped his own hand off on his shirt and they headed back up into the blinding sunlight. Eddie kept his head down as they walked, not wanting to meet any stranger’s eyes with the vivid memory of Richie coming in his head. 

He didn’t stop though. The magnetism between Eddie and Richie only grew and grew. He and Richie began to touch each other more and more frequently until Eddie wondered how they had regressed into horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off each other. Eddie knew he was in over his head but his connection to Richie was so intense and immediate. Richie knew just how to kiss him, how to touch him until he was practically sobbing as he came. Eddie had to have him every second they were alone. 

As they days ticked by and his flight home got closer and closer Eddie found himself even more desperate for Richie. Was his desire for Richie really going to disappear once he went home? He had told himself that he could go back, that he could keep Richie in the same compartment he used for all the shit about Derry. If he really believed that then why did thinking about Myra or even looking at his flight reservations make his stomach churn? 

His illusions of keeping Richie compartmentalized came undone two nights before Eddie was supposed to fly back to New York. He had gone to get his stitches out and as soon as they had gotten back to the hotel Richie had taken him upstairs and stripped off his shirt. He stood in front of Eddie, his eyes wandering over his bare skin but they kept coming back to the fresh pink scar. He laid his palm gently over it.

“Does it still hurt?” Richie asked softly.

“Not as much as it did but, sometimes, yeah.”

Richie suddenly pulled Eddie into a tight embrace. “Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again. Shit, I thought I was going to lose you right when we had just gotten each other back.” 

“I, I’m sorry,” Eddie stuttered

“Dammit It’s not your fault. I know that. I just don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you again.”

Eddie’s eyes burned. In Richie’s arms he felt cherished. Even on his wedding day he hadn’t felt that Myra would have been lost without him. They had liked each other well enough, but it had been a union for companionship more than passionate love. Eddie had known all along Myra wanted a man to mother and he had slid back into that role all too easily. Richie never made him feel like a child, or a burden. Richie made Eddie feel precious, understood, loved as a man and a partner. He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. He leaned back to look into Richie’s eyes and cupped his cheek with his hand. 

“I don’t know what I would have done either.” 

The words were as close as Eddie could come right now to a confession of his true feelings and he sealed it with a kiss. Richie seemed to know instinctively what Eddie meant. He deepened the kiss with his tongue and pulled Eddie’s hips tight against his own. They kissed until Eddie was breathless, then Richie pulled away and asked with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

“What do you want me to do to you right now?” 

Eddie shook his head, his face on fire. “I can’t say it.”

Richie chuckled, a dark, masculine sound, then he leaned forward until his lips were against Eddie’s ear. “You want me to suck your dick?”

Of course Richie’s words were filthy. Eddie nodded, his voice caught in his throat. Richie maneuvered him back towards the bed and then pushed down on his shoulders till he sat. Then he knelt down and pulled Eddie’s thighs apart, looking up at him. Richie’s brown eyes almost black. 

“God you’re beautiful.”

Eddie tried to laugh it off, but Richie took his face in his big hands. 

“Don’t. You have always been without a doubt the cutest boy I have ever seen and you have grown into a beautiful man.” 

Eddie stroked a hand through Richie’s hair. “You too, you’re incredible.” 

“You say that now, just wait till I get your dick in my mouth.”

With that Richie popped the button on his pants and Eddie gave an anticipatory shiver. He lifted his hips and Richie slid his slacks down his legs to tangle around his shoes. His erection tented his light blue boxer briefs and Richie stroked him through the fabric a couple times before sliding those down his hips too. Eddie closed his eyes as his prick was exposed. He knew Richie was looking at him and his cock throbbed in response. 

“You want it bad don’t you,” Richie teased, giving his tip a soft kiss then pulling away.

“Yes,” Eddie gasped.

Richie flicked his tongue against the underside of his head and Eddie saw stars. He thrust up helplessly but Richie didn’t give him more. 

“Richie,” he whined.

“You know how long I’ve wanted this?”

The question caught Eddie off guard and he opened his eyes. 

“What?”

“I’ve wanted to do this to you ever since the day I found that magazine at the arcade. You remember that?” 

A hot burst of shame and arousal swirled in Eddie’s groin. 

_ Richie had burst out of the arcade bathroom, grabbed Eddie’s arm and dragged him away from the pinball machine he was playing.  _

_ “Hey, I was doing really good,” Eddie protested.  _

_ “Just shut up and come with me,” Richie whispered, still dragging Eddie down the street. Eddie pulled his arm free and they hustled down Derry’s main street. _

_ “What’s going on?” Eddie asked. _

_ Richie didn’t answer but Eddie noticed his cheeks and neck were flushed. Richie took Eddie to his house, hauling him up to his room and closing the door behind them.  _

_ “Alright, you want to tell me what this is about?” _

_ “Look what I found in the bathroom at the arcade,” Richie said, unzipping his backpack.  _

_ “Yuck, you picked something up from the bathroom.” Eddie shrank back. _

_ Richie pulled out the glossy magazine and laid it spread open on his bed. It took Eddie a moment to realize what he was looking at but when he did he flushed and looked away, hating the low pulse in his groin.  _

_ “It’s a fucking porno mag.”  _

_ “I know what it is,” Eddie hissed.  _ __

_ “Then why are you looking away like a prude?” _

_ “I don’t know. This feels… dirty.” _

_ Richie shrugged and then bent over the magazine, slowly flipping through the pages. With each page’s soft crinkle the curiosity rose in Eddie. He tried to resist but knowing Richie was looking at it had him hard and antsy. Finally he gave in and leaned over Richie’s shoulder to look. His hands crossed over his erection. On the page a nude woman was kneeling between a man’s thighs with his penis in her mouth. Eddie swallowed hard. _

_ “I bet that feels fucking fantastic.”  _

_ Eddie couldn’t speak. Richie flipped the page. There were several more pictures of the couple where she was sucking him and in the last one her mouth was open as the man shot his come over her lips and tongue. Eddie couldn’t tell whether this disgusted or aroused him more. Richie suddenly closed the magazine and whirled around to face Eddie. They stared at each other Eddie aware that he was breathing hard and his face was hot but Richie didn’t look any better. _

_ “I want to do that,” Richie said softly.  _

_ “Do what?” Eddie brain didn’t have enough blood left to understand. _

_ “Get my dick sucked.” _

_ Eddie’s eyes immediately dropped to the tent in Richie’s shorts.  _

_ “No way. I don’t want to suck on your thing!”  _

_ “Would you let me do it to you?” _

_ “With your mouth?” Eddie squeaked. _

_ Richie nodded then leaned forward and kissed him. Eddie trembled as he kissed back. Just imagining Richie sucking him had him close to blowing his load in his pants. Richie was moving him toward the bed his hands on the waistband of Eddie’s shorts when a voice called from downstairs. _

_ “Richie Tozier, get down here and clean up this mess in the kitchen.”  _

_ Richie groaned and laid his forehead against Eddie’s. Eddie was flooded with relief and regret. But more than anything he wanted Richie to kiss him again.  _

“Can’t believe you’ve made me wait so long.” Richie admonished. 

Eddie kissed him then hard and fierce. His chest ached, the feelings of the past and present swirling together until Eddie swam in a river that was pure Richie, deep with all they had shared. 

“No more teasing,” Eddie begged breathlessly. “Please.”

“Sure thing, cutie.”

Richie pushed him back then and ran his tongue up Eddie’s cock from base to tip. Eddie gasped and fisted the comforter. Richie’s dark eyes were on him as he parted his lips and took him in with one slow suck. It was too good. Eddie’s eyes rolled up in his head and he let out an obscene moan. Richie moaned around his dick and Eddie’s focused narrowed to the places where they were connected. Richie hands, one on his thigh and the other around the base of his shaft. Richie’s chest and shoulders pressed between his legs. Richie’s hair where it tickled over his belly and groin. Richie’s hot mouth and tongue that worked him up and down again and again.

Eddie reached out to stroke Richie’s hair. His friend really had become a handsome man. It made his chest tight to watch Richie pleasuring him like this. It touched a soft spot Eddie had forgotten was inside him. He rocked his hips and Richie took him in even deeper and the tightness inside him was ready to shatter, scattering him into a million pieces. 

“Richie you’re going to make me come.”

Richie pulled back just far enough to speak, his lips brushing over Eddie’s tip. “Come. Give it to me.”

He took Eddie deep again, brown eyes never leaving Eddie’s face. Knowing Richie was watching him come apart made Eddie shout as his orgasm hit. He pulsed in Richie’s mouth as wave after wave wrung him out. At last he fell back on the bed, panting. His nerves all sizzled with the overload and his thighs trembled. Richie slid up next to him, petting Eddie as he came down. Eddie curled into Richie and kissed him over and over again. He could feel Richie’s cock straining ardently in his pants and Eddie rocked into him. Somehow he was still hard, still caught up in Richie. Eddie wanted more. He wanted them skin to skin.

Eddie undid the clasp of Richie’s pants and then his zipper, working them down. He tugged roughly, Richie helping too, until they were both divested of all clothes and lying pressed together on the bed. 

They entwined like vines, legs, arms, lips sliding together in a connection that was about sex and yet so much more. 

“I bought some lube the other day,” Richie confessed looking excited and guilty.

Eddie blanched. 

“It doesn’t mean we have to… there are other things we could do,” Richie said, saving Eddie from his mini panic attack. 

“Here, let me get it.”

Richie leaned across his chest and fumbled in the overnight bag on the floor on his side of the bed. He came back with a bottle of Astroglide that made Eddie’s stomach do a funny flip. He scooted Eddie underneath him and popped the top, pouring the slightly cool fluid on Eddie’s cock and testicles. He shivered. Richie poured more in his hand and then he worked the lube on his own cock while his free hand spread it over Eddie’s sensitive skin. 

“Oh God,” Eddie keened. He was still so sensitive and Richie’s touch was riding the line of too much. 

“You like that?” Richie teased, thrusting into his hand. “What about this?”

Richie tipped his hips till his cock brushed over Eddie’s. The thrill of slick flesh rubbing together made Eddie arch off the bed, seeking more. Ritche circled his hands around their shafts, giving them a sheath to thrust into as they drove against each other. Filthy endearments dripped from Richie’s mouth. 

“You’re so fucking sexy with your legs spread for me. Your pretty cock driving me crazy.”

Eddie flushed hotly at the words but they made his cock harder. Richie’s thrusts were becoming more erratic and his hand squeezed their cocks more tightly together. 

“God I want to come all over you.”

Eddie nodded, wanting it too. 

“You are going to look so beautiful painted with my jizz. Oh fuck, here it comes.”

Richie’s hips stuttered against him and spurts of warm fluid shot across Eddie’s dick and belly. He looked down and seeing the streaks of white made his own balls draw tight. He reached down to squeeze Richie’s hand tighter and in a few thrusts his own come joined the mess. Richie collapsed on top of him sweaty and sticky, and Eddie didn’t even want to crawl into the nearest shower. They lay together, kissing softly until Richie whispered.

“I love you Eddie, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, and after a long pause where he fought against his instincts to run and hide: “I, I love you too.”

Richie lifted up and looked into his face. “Look I know this thing with us is complicated and you’re married and everything, but if you ever wanted us to be together, really together, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll make it happen.” 

Eddie’s heart suddenly felt like it was in his throat and his eyes burned. He blinked rapidly, the last thing he wanted to do was cry while he was lying naked under Richie. He couldn’t stop though and he gasped as the drops rolled down his cheeks. Richie sat up.

“Shit, did I hurt you?”

“No.” Eddie said, furiously wiping at his eyes. He sat up too, grimacing as the cooling semen ran down to pool in his pubic hair. “I’m fine, really.”

Understanding dawned on Richie and he pulled away. “Look I get it, I just wanted you to know that if you ever want more, there can be more.”

“Richie, give me a minute here.” 

Eddie took a deep breath. It had hurt more than he’d expected to hear Richie offer him what he secretly wanted more than anything. But it was too late now. Whatever he and Richie could have been had been stolen by It. He’d built his life never knowing being with Richie was an option and now Richie was telling him they could make it work and it was killing him. Could he do it? Leave Myra? Come out as gay, or bi, or whatever he was? Could he and Richie be together? A small fluttering of hope came to life inside him, delicate as butterfly fresh from its chrysalis. It could be crushed easily but it was there right now and it made Eddie braver. 

“When we were kids I had a dollhouse. I always hid it before you guys came over but I liked to play with it on my own or sometimes with my mom. I would imagine what my life would be like in the future and when I was alone, I would play that it was our house. That you and I were... were married.” 

Richie reached out and took Eddie’s hand.

“Even then I’m not sure I ever let myself believe it could really happen but I wanted it. So you have to believe me when I say there is part of me, a big part, that wants what you’re offering. I just don’t know if after all this time it’s going to work out.”

“What’s standing in the way?”

Richie’s question wasn’t petulant or passive aggressive. Eddie could see Richie just wanted to understand how he felt.

“Well, I am married,” Eddie said.

Richie was quiet for a minute, his thumb tracing over the back of Eddie’s hand. 

“Do you love Myra? I’m not looking for you to lie to make me feel better, I just want to know.”

“I do, somewhat. Like the way I love Beverly. She’s been there for me a lot and I know she cares in her own way for me. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t love her. But, not like I love you.”

“Do you want to stay married to her?”

Eddie looked away. “I don’t know! It was fine before, but now, I don’t know.” 

“Okay. What else?”

“We live across the country from each other?”

“Fuck, that’s no problem. I could just as easily be a comic in New York or you could come be a risk assessor in Los Angeles.”

“We’d have to tell everyone.” Eddie moaned. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair. 

Ritche seemed taken aback, his eyes going wide. “That’s the problem? You don’t want anyone to know?”

“Don’t look at me like that.” Eddie said. “When it’s just you and me it’s easy, it feels natural, but if I divorce my wife and we start dating it won’t just be you and me. We’d be letting the world in. You grew up here, you know what people can be like. Hell look at those poor guys that got beaten to death just before we came here.”

“Well I wouldn’t suggest we stay in Derry, but you can’t honestly let a bunch of dip shit homophobes make you afraid to be who you are.”

“But I don’t know who I am!” Eddie shouted. “Before coming here things with Myra in New York were fine. We were never going to be some romance novel couple but we were comfortable. Then Mike calls and I come back here and see you and it’s messed me up. Turns out there is a whole chunk of my life I forgot, including fighting an evil clown monster and falling in love with a guy. It also turns out I’m still in love with you and we can’t keep our hands off each other even though I’m still married. What I feel with you, Richie, it defies logic and to be honest it scares the hell out of me. Yes, part of me wants to be with you, but part of me wants to go back to my old safe comfortable life and try to forget Derry and you all over again.”

Richie’s face went pale like Eddie had struck him. He gave a small nod that made Eddie feel like someone had punched him in the stomach. Without a word he gathered his clothes and dressed. Eddie unable to stop him. Somehow he’d forgotten how to touch Richie or even talk to him. His body had turned to stone. 

At last when Richie had his clothes on like a suit of armour he faced Eddie. His face was neutral but his eyes were so sad that Eddie felt his own prick with tears again. 

“Richie,” Eddie tried but Richie held up a hand to stop him.

“You want to go back to New York and forget me. I won’t stand in your way.”

“Richie, wait.”

“No!” 

Richie’s jaw clenched and Eddie felt like he was drowning. He’d rather Richie vomit on him than look at him like he was now.

“I’m not a toy Eddie. I know I talk a lot of shit but it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I get that I was probably asking for it, starting shit with a married friend, but I can’t help myself around you. It’s always been you for me. I’ve never loved anyone else. Even after leaving Derry and forgetting, I never connected with anyone. I figured I wasn’t capable of loving someone, that I was too much of a selfish asshole. But the minute I saw you it clicked inside me and all the love I’d never been able to feel before was leaking out and making me sloppy. Even It knew what you meant to me.” Richie made a choked sound and clenched his fists. 

Eddie slammed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to think about this, but he couldn’t keep the memory’s clutching fingers from dragging him under.

_ Mike had made it all seem so easy, they would perform the ritual and destroy It and now Eddie was down in a filthy sewer, hurt and on his own. He careened through the tunnels, his voice hoarse as he shouted for Richie over and over again. They’d gotten separated and he couldn’t stop the panic that made him clumsy and desperate. He had to find Richie. He wouldn’t let It have him.  _

_ The shuddering sob that reached his ear caught in his chest like the talons of a carrion bird. He sprinted forward until he reached a door. Richie was beyond it. Eddie could hear him crying but his hand stayed frozen on the handle. Some primal instinct deep inside told him he didn’t want to see what was on the other side. He could hear voices, both so familiar, yet distorted.  _

_ “No, please stop,” Richie pleaded. _

_ Eddie took a deep breath and ripped open the door. _

_ Richie was crouched on the floor while “Eddie” leaned over him, a cruel leer on his face. Eddie staggered back, his hand unconsciously going to his own chest, touching to see if he was real or the illusion. Richie didn’t look over at him, didn’t seem aware of anything, but the doppelganger version of himself looked up and gave him a brief wink. _

_ “Did you really think I loved you?” Eddie’s voice came out if It’s mouth pitched high and scornful. Then the little giggle that made Eddie feel like he was going to piss himself. “Oh Richie, you disgust me. Whenever you touched me it made me want to peel off my skin.” _

_ “No,” Eddie tried but it came out as a croaked whisper.  _

_ Richie reacted to the words like he’d been hit with a taser. He curled in on himself further. He was crying, harsh wracking sobs that made Eddie short of breath in sympathy. He moved forward but It struck out grabbing Richie’s neck and hauling him up. _

_ “I couldn’t wait to get away from you.” _

Eddie stood there so tense he could have cracked right down the middle.. 

Richie sighed. “Look I’m gonna take a walk, get some air. We’ll just make things worse if we keep on this way.” 

Eddie flinched. He opened his eyes but everything was watery and too bright, he couldn’t get a good enough look at Richie as he shouldered past him and out the door. The door closed and Eddie was left there, naked and shivering. 

Eddie woke the next morning, the late morning sunlight streaming over his pillow. He’d waited a long time last night, pacing and fidgeting, but still Richie hadn’t come back to their room. At last exhaustion had gotten the better of him and he’d fallen asleep on top of the covers. Even before he opened his eyes though he knew something was terribly wrong. There was a hollowed out quality to the room. He wanted to stop time and hold onto it, keep this moment here so the future wouldn’t sweep in and drag everything away. 

It wouldn’t work though, already the urge to pee was making him antsy and he couldn’t stomach the idea of pissing on himself to keep from facing the truth he already knew. Richie was gone. 

Eddie opened his eyes and went to the bathroom. The absence of Richie’s bag and toiletries ached like poking a bruise. Once he’d relieved his bladder he sat back down on the bed and saw that he had a text on his phone. It was from Richie, sent just after five AM.

_ Sorry. I was asking too much. _ __

Those simple words filled Eddie with rage and he had to drop his phone before he could slam it down on the night table until it shattered. Was there no end to the things It could destroy? Even after they had freed themselves Eddie was still a small, frightened, kid inside. Always choosing the safest option because he’d learned early on how much fear could take from you. 

He abruptly stood and starting throwing his things in his suitcase. He couldn’t stand being in the room, this town, for one more second. Not without Richie. He would go to the airport and get the first flight to New York. Myra would be thrilled to have him home where she could hover over him. He had been a fool to stay here and pretend like he’d ever be able to make a different choice. 

The first couple days back at home were a blur. He threw himself back into his old routine but it was like shoving his foot into a shoe a size too small. It pinched and grated in ways he had never noticed before. 

He hated being touched. He’d never been into casual pats or anything but now anytime someone laid their hands on him it felt like being branded. With Myra it was even worse, and of course she wanted to hug and stroke him like a puppy from the minute he’d stepped into the arrivals area of JFK. He bristled and snapped at her and her wounded looks made him go out of his way to avoid her. He’d even started sleeping on the couch, needing the solitude and the drone of the television to dull the inner discomfort he couldn’t seem to shake. He’d lied and said he was still dealing with pain from his injury and sleeping propped up helped. Myra was baffled by the change in him and her constant prying questions and passive aggressive solicitousness only served to drive Eddie further inside himself.

Work wasn’t much better, though Eddie found himself spending more and more time at the office, both to make up for his lack of focus and his desire to be anywhere but his home. He wondered if it was how people felt after a cancer diagnosis. He was still the same on the outside yet so terribly aware that inside him lay something dangerous. Something that could consume him if he couldn’t get on top of it.

None of that was the worst of it though, the worst was even after coming home to New York he couldn’t let go of Richie. He stalked Richie’s social media while at work and even once or twice had written long, emotional emails begging Richie to forgive him and take him back only to panic and delete them before he could work up the nerve to hit send. 

And so things went on for several weeks and while Eddie was surviving, deep inside a part of him knew that his time in Derry had changed him. He was not the same person he had been before and his old life would never fit again. He couldn’t go on this way forever or he would end up hating himself and everyone else. A magma-hot chamber of wretched anger rumbled under the surface of his apathy and one day he would explode. 

The first cracks appeared on Wednesday morning. Eddie had come to work already in a bad mood after arguing with Myra because he didn’t want to take her friend’s recommendation for a hypnotherapist and spilling hot coffee on his pants. He sat down at his desk and tried to focus on the ridiculous number of emails in his inbox but after reading barely a handful his eyes were glazed over and his brain refused to take anything in, so he switched over to Facebook and guiltily pulled up Richie’s page. Most of Richie’s updates were to promote his comedy shows and the one this morning was no different at first glance. 

**Trash Mouth Richie** \- Hey guys, I got invited to one of my dream clubs in the Big Apple. I’ll be performing at The Walrus next weekend with sets on Friday and Saturday. Tickets are on sale so come get some drinks and laugh your ass off with me. 

Eddie’s heart did a little flutter as he read it and then he scanned it again and again till he was sure he wasn’t misreading. Richie was coming here, to New York. In ten days. Sweat slicked his palms and he quickly stood up then immediately sat down again. He clicked through the ticket link and then froze. What was he doing? He and Richie hadn’t left things on good terms. In fact it was a pretty telling that he’d found out Richie was coming to town this way instead of Richie reaching out to let him know. Was he really going to show up at Richie’s show and pretend they were just old friends?

Eddie shook his head but when he went to close the tab something stopped him. His finger hovered over the mouse button and he blew out a long breath. It might be a chance for him to clear the air. He didn’t want things with Richie to fade off on that sour note. Even if they weren’t lovers he couldn’t bear the thought of not having Richie in his life. He needed to see him. He clicked and purchased a ticket for Friday night. 

The rest of the day went smoothly and Eddie found himself feeling happier than he had since coming home. He even managed to make some small talk with Myra at dinner that night. He slept great and was wolfing down buttered toast and an egg the next morning when Myra came into the kitchen. 

“So Cindy and Dave are having a dinner party next friday at six and we’re invited. Do you think you can get off work a little early?” she said.

Eddie considered it casually for a second before he remembered, and oily guilt churned in his gut. He was supposed to go to Richie’s comedy show that night. He didn’t look up from his breakfast as he spoke.

“Sorry, we have a big presentation for a major VC firm so I’m probably going to be doing overtime for the next few weeks until that is done. We’ll have to catch up with Cindy and Dave next time.” 

There was a second of silence then Myra set her plate down on the table with more force than necessary. 

“Eddie, how long is this going to continue? You’ve been at work all the time since you got back from your trip. You realize we haven’t gone out once? I’ve tried to be understanding, I know you got hurt and missed a lot of work and are still dealing with some pain but sometimes I feel like you aren’t even the same person! If something is wrong, Eddie, then we need to deal with it. Did you ever call the doctor like I suggested?”

The toast in Eddie’s mouth suddenly tasted like wet cardboard and he swallowed hard before he answered. “No, I haven’t called the doctor yet.” He held up a hand. “But I will today, I promise, and the stuff at work will even out. This is just a busy season and I’m still playing catch up.” He finally glanced up and the dejected look on Myra’s face made him want to shrivel up and crawl away. It wasn’t fair of him to do this to her. If he was going to try and find a way back to friendship with Richie he should try and work on his marriage too. He reached across the table and took her hand.

“You’re right, you have been patient, let’s go out to dinner tonight, okay? Wherever you want.” 

Myra smiled at him, her face brightening. “Oh Eddie, I would love that. We could go to that little Italian place on 6th.”

“Sure thing, hon.” Eddie squeezed her hand then pulled away. “You set it up and tell me what time and I’ll pick you up. I’ve gotta head out.” 

His appetite gone, Eddie dumped his remaining toast in the trash and filled his to-go thermos with coffee. 

“I love you Eddie. Drive safe,” Myra called as he grabbed his briefcase and headed for the door. 

“Have a good day,” Eddie called back, unconsciously wiping the hand she had held on the leg of his trousers. 

Work managed to restore most of his good mood. He really had gotten behind on a lot of things and today for the first time he felt more on top of it. Almost like his old self. And if he kept the webpage with his ticket info pulled up on his phone and glanced at it every now and then, well it was normal to be excited about seeing a friend.

Dinner that night was another matter. Eddie felt twitchy and uncomfortable from the moment he’d picked Myra up. She’d kissed him and it had felt so different from kissing Richie that Eddie worried he was going to cry. The food was excellent and Eddie even found himself enjoying Myra’s stories about her knitting circle friends but he wasn’t relaxed the way he wanted to be. To compensate for this he kept his wine glass liberally filled and didn’t realize he tipped over from buzzed to sloppy drunk until Myra took the car keys from him. 

“I think you’ve had a bit too much tonight,” she said, not bothering to keep the disappointment out of her voice. 

“Sorry, just having a good time,” Eddie said defensively.

Myra said nothing. She took his arm and steered him down the street as they made their way to their SUV. She opened the passenger side door and Eddie clambered gracelessly inside. Myra crossed and got in, huffing while she adjusted the seat and the mirrors. Eddie ignored it, buoyed by the warmth in his belly. 

“My phone’s almost dead, give me yours so I can use the navigation.”

Eddie didn’t argue, he was in no shape to give directions and Myra hated driving without them. He took out his phone and unlocked the screen, fumbling as he handed it over to her. She took it and set it in the cradle by the steering wheel. She looked at the screen for a long moment, frowning. 

“Who is Trash Mouth Richie?” Myra asked.

The words were like ice water dumped over Eddie’s head. “What?”

“It says here you have a ticket to see him next Friday at a place called The Walrus. You told me you were working late for the next couple of weekends?” 

Myra pointed to the screen and Eddie saw it, the damned confirmation email he’d been looking at non-stop. The warmth in his stomach shifted from pleasant to acidic. He sat up straight in his seat.

“He’s just an old friend from when I lived in Derry,” Eddie said. He tried to focus, sure the right words could avert the oncoming explosion between him and Myra but he was too drunk and everything was spinning out of control.

Myra fixed him with her blue eyes and Eddie was certain she could see Richie all over him like a stain. “That doesn’t explain why you lied to me, Eddie. Or why you seem like a different person since you got back from Maine.”

“I just didn’t want to have an argument about it. He’s my friend. I want to go to the show and support him.” 

“You could have told me that. We could have gone together. Why are you pushing me away?”

How could he explain to her that the minute she saw him and Richie together she would know he was in love with his friend and not her? How could he explain that he was different? That he remembered a whole part of his life that had been hidden before, and that it wasn’t her fault but he didn’t want to stay married to her anymore. The truth of it hit him like a punch to the gut and Eddie opened the door, afraid he was going to be sick. There was no going back from what he’d discovered in Derry. No going back from loving Richie. Richie was part of him right down to the DNA and it wasn’t fair of him to stay with Myra when he no longer wanted to be her husband. He’d been trying so hard to stay in a life that no longer made him happy but he couldn’t go on like this. Maybe he couldn’t say all of that to her but it didn’t mean he had to drag her along until they hated each other. He owed Myra more than that. 

“I want a divorce,” Eddie said, his voice strangled. 

Myra paled. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t want us to be married anymore.”

Sweat broke out along Eddie’s hairline and he wasn’t sure whether or not he was going to throw up all over the asphalt. He expected hysterics, so when Myra just sat there quietly he looked over at her. She wasn’t crying though her eyes had a liquid shine. She stared down at her lap, her face crinkled with an expression Eddie couldn’t place. After a few minutes she looked up at him and spoke, one tear trailing down her cheek. 

“I wish I could say I’m surprised, but I’ve been expecting something like this since you come home. What happened in Derry, Eddie?”

Eddie shut his eyes. “I fell in love with someone else. I’m sorry.” It’s painful and not quite the truth but he doesn’t want to lie to Myra anymore and it’s as close as he can get. She wouldn’t believe the truth anyway. 

“Are you going with her to the comedy show?”

Eddie almost laughed. Of course, it wouldn’t even cross Myra’s mind that he’d fallen in love with a man.

“No. I’m going by myself to see Richie.” 

Myra gave him a shrewd look and Eddie had to fight the urge to squirm. “Since I’m the one asking for this I’ll pack a bag and check into a hotel.”

He’d thought it would feel awful to end his marriage, but instead there was this strange unreality that cocooned him. Almost like he expected to wake up any minute and find out it had only been a dream and he was still sleeping on the couch.

He and Myra didn’t talk much on the way home and she stayed downstairs in the kitchen on the phone with her mom while Eddie went upstairs to pack a bag.  _ I’m leaving, we’re getting a divorce _ , Eddie kept saying over and over in his head but it didn’t feel any different than packing for a vacation. It would sink in eventually he knew, and when it did, he prayed he wouldn’t feel he’d just made a huge mistake. 

Eddid had found a decent hotel only a couple of blocks from his work and booked a room for two weeks. It gave him enough time to see Richie and find out if there was a way to fix what he’d fucked up between them. 

The days passed in a lonely blur between work and his hotel room. He was desperate to talk to someone but he held back, he had to talk to Richie first. Eddie felt like his entire life was on pause until he saw Richie again. 

At last Friday arrived and Eddie was nervous as a middle schooler going to his first dance. He’d given up trying to concentrate at work and called in sick after lunch. Instead he looked over the clothes he’d packed and tried to decide what to wear. Finally after picking out a dark blue shirt and black slacks and taking the longest shower ever Eddie stared at his reflection in the mirror. What if Richie didn’t want him anymore? Maybe he’d thrown away his one chance by being a coward. He shook his head to dislodge the grip his anxiety had on him. He had come this far. He had even faced his worst fears to save Richie, he could go a little further for a chance to be with the man he loved. 

Eddie went down to the street and hailed a cab. He gave the driver directions and then looked at his phone. Richie had posted a picture of him in the dressing room of the Walrus and Eddie’s heart beat faster. 

The driver pulled up outside the club. Eddie paid the fare and got out. The Walrus was a fairly unassuming club. The sign on the door had the name in curling blue neon with a walrus outlined in white behind it. Eddie hesitated outside the door for a minute, unsure if he should try to see Richie before the show or after. He decided after, Richie usually hung out and signed autographs and talked with fans after a show. Eddie would approach him then.

He made his way to a table by the front, on the right side of the room where he would have a good view of the stage. A waitress came by and he ordered a beer and a water, not wanting to get drunk and make a fool out of himself. He wasn’t going to give Richie any reason to doubt him. The club filled up quickly and the excited din of voices grew louder and louder until a short black woman with buzz-cut platinum blonde hair stepped up on the stage. 

“Alright folks we have an excellent line up for you tonight, including Faye Wong, Richie Tozier, Omar Grant and the Prairie Harpies. It’s going to be a good night so let's keep it fun and respectful if you don’t want to get tossed out on your ass.”

The crowd cheered loudly in response.

“First up, give it up for Omar Grant!”

The comic came on stage and while he was funny Eddie found it hard to pay attention. His mind kept wandering to Richie. Omar finished his set and then Faye Wong came out. Eddie kept looking around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Richie. Calm down, he told himself, you don’t want to look desperate. He rubbed damp palms against his pants and tried to relax. 

When at last they announced Richie, a little electric thrill went through Eddie and he sat up straight. Richie came out from the side curtain smiling and it took everything Eddie had to stay in his seat instead of throwing himself at Richie. The connection between them sparked to life and even though Eddie was sure he hadn’t moved Richie’s gaze fell on him. Their eyes locked and Eddie’s whole body sizzled. Richie stumbled, staring at Eddie for a long moment before he recovered. He went to the microphone and started his set, but his eyes kept going back to Eddie and he stumbled over several of the jokes. 

Eddie for his part tried to put all of his love and hopefulness into his face. He wanted Richie to know he hadn’t come here to tease him or jerk him around. 

Richie finished his set and walked off stage. Eddie fidgeted in his seat. He wanted nothing more than to follow Richie, pin him against the door of his dressing room and kiss him within an inch of his life. As the next act came on stage a burly man in a dark t-shirt and jeans came over to Eddie’s table. 

He leaned down and spoke softly in Eddie’s ear. “Sir, I need you to come with me.” 

Eddie balked, was Richie having him thrown out? 

“Is something wrong?” he asked. 

The man said nothing, simply motioned for Eddie to follow him. Eddie scrambled to his feet, his stomach turning leaden. Richie wouldn’t have him tossed without even talking to him, would he? As he weaved through the tables toward the back of the club he got more than a few curious glances from the other patrons. His hands tingled and he wanted to shake them out but instead he shoved them into his pants pockets. The man led him back to the bar and whispered something to the bartender.

“Hey, can you tell me what’s going on?” Eddie said.

The man turned and gave him a stern look. “One of the performers reported you.”

“Reported me? I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”

The bartender had picked up his phone and talked quietly into the receiver. Eddie panicked, were they calling the cops on him?

“Look, I’m sorry if I upset anyone. I’ll go.”

Eddie glanced around frantically for the door when someone caught his arm.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Eddie’s heart throbbed painfully in his chest and he turned around to see Richie standing there holding him. 

“Richie,” he gasped.

“Come with me.”

Richie took his hand and led him past two bored-looking security guards and into a long hallway full of doors. At last towards the back there was one with a sticker on it that read Richie Tozier. Richie opened the door and pulled Eddie inside. As soon as the door shut Richie grabbed Eddie in a tight hug. 

“Hey man, what the fuck are you doing here? You should have told me you were coming! I would have gotten you VIP passes.”

Richie let Eddie go and sat down on a tasteful gray leather couch and indicated the seat next to him for Eddie. 

“I wasn’t sure if you would want me here, after how things ended in Derry.” 

Eddie sat down and Richie let out a big sigh. “Yeah, that was a clusterfuck.” He ran a hand through his already tousled hair. “Look man, I’m sorry I split like that. I just knew where things were going and I didn’t want to drag it out. I needed to get my head on straight.”

“You knew where things were going?” Eddie asked, trying to keep his voice neutral. 

“Well, yeah. I know you were trying to let me down gentle.” 

"I wasn't trying to let you down, I didn't even know then what I wanted. This whole thing between us, even the past, was too new for me to realize what it meant for me.” 

Richie shrugged. “Hey, no worries, water under the bridge as they say. How about I get you a drink and you can tell me how it’s been being home? The best part of being a comedian is all the free booze they give you.”

Richie got up and went to rummage around in the mini fridge. Eddie just sat there dumbfounded. This wasn’t the reaction he’d expected at all. Was Richie really over him? Or was he just pretending for the sake of their friendship? Eddie had just left his wife for this man but now he wasn’t sure Richie even wanted to give their relationship another try. He tapped his hands on the top of his thighs and tried to ignore the pit widening in his stomach. Richie brought over a glass of whiskey and handed it to him. 

“So is Myra happy to have you home?” Ritche asked.

“Well, she was until I asked her for a divorce last week.” 

Richie choked hard on the whiskey he’d been drinking and coughed violently for a few seconds which made Eddie sorry he’d sprung it on him.

“You what?” Richie said when he could speak again. He looked at Eddie then and there was a hint of something in his eyes. Hope?

“Myra and I are getting divorced.” Eddie set his drink down and took a deep breath. This was it. “I realized it wouldn’t be right to stay married to her, not when I’m in love with someone else.” 

Eddie met Richie’s shocked gaze head on. Richie set his glass down and tugged his hair, shifting his weight from foot to foot for a moment before he said, in a soft voice.

“Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure that I love you, that I’m ready to be with you. If that’s still what you want.”

Ritche was on him in a second, like a dam had broken open inside him. He straddled Eddie’s waist, kissing him deep and hard. Richie’s hands cradled his face and each kiss took away a little bit more of the uncertainty that had been building inside him until he was completely sure he’d made the right choice. He wrapped his arms around Richie and pulled him close, never wanting to let him go again. The bright feeling inside was one he recognized.

_ Richie had held his hand all through the movie, hidden beneath the armrest so no one would see, and he’d kept finding playful excuses to touch Eddie while they played in the arcade afterwards. The Losers split up then, walking to their homes in the warm summer evening and Richie had pulled Eddie into a tiny alley and pushed him up against the rough brick, kissing him over and over.  _

_ Eddie was hot and excited and certain any minute now they would be caught but Richie kept on touching him like they were the only two people left in the world. It was thrilling and terrifying. At last when Richie lips left his to trail down his neck Eddie asked. _

_ “Why are you doing this?” _

_ Richie pulled back and quirked his brow. “I thought it would feel good. Doesn’t it?” _

_ “No, I mean yes, it does feel good, but I mean this thing with you and me. We keep kissing, and holding hands and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend but…” _

_ “Well aren’t you my boyfriend?” Richie said giving Eddie a soft kiss. _

_ “I mean, you never asked.” _

_ “I guess I figured it was a given. Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Richie pushed up his glasses and gave Eddie a serious look. _

_ Eddie squirmed a bit. He did want to be Richie’s boyfriend. Even saying the words in his head made him feel giddy and stupid. But did Richie feel the same way about him or was this just a result of hormones making him want to hump everything in sight?  _

_ “Why do you want to be boyfriends?” Eddie asked, his voice cracking embarrassingly. _

_ Ritche frowned at him for a minute, then understanding dawned on his face and he pulled Eddie into another kiss.  _

_ When they broke apart his brown eyes locked onto Eddie’s. “Because I love you, you idiot.” _

_ Eddie threw his arm around Richie’s neck and buried his nose in his shoulder. “I love you too.” _

_ “Come with me,” Richie said then.  _

_ They walked along in the fading light till they came to the bridge over the river outside of town. Richie pulled out his pocket knife and began carving on the wood railing, which was already covered with years full of youthful graffiti.  _

_ “What are you doing?” Eddie asked, looking around to make sure they weren’t about to be caught. _

_ Richie stepped back and Eddie saw an uppercase ‘R’ followed by a plus sign freshly cut into the wood. _

_ “Let’s make it official,” Richie said, holding out the knife for Eddie to add his own initial. Eddie tentatively took the knife and hacked away until an “E” stood paired with the R. They stood back and looked at their work, Richie taking Eddie’s hand in his.  _

  
  


Eddie smiled at the memory and reached for the bottom of Richie’s shirt, then froze, remembering where they were. 

“It’s okay,” Richie grinned at him. “I guarantee we aren’t the first people to fuck in here.”

The words made Eddie’s mouth go dry. God, he was so hard up. Driven to desperation by just a little bit of Richie’s touch. Richie must have seen it because he gave Eddie a wolfish grin. He rolled his hips, grinding his crotch against Eddie’s

“You want my cock, don’t you?” Richie teased.

Eddie shuddered and nodded. The weeks since he’d last had Richie like this had stripped away all pretense. Richie’s gravity drew him in as surely as a star and he wanted more than anything to erase the space left between them.

“Please, inside me.”

If six months ago someone had told Eddie he would be pleading for another man’s prick today he would have fainted dead away, but here he was, and he needed Richie inside him. 

“Sure thing, just give me a second.”

Richie stood up and left Eddie feeling foolishly bereft. He watched Richie go over to his coat and fish out his wallet. From inside it he pulled out a packet of lube and a condom. The couch under Eddie felt like it was tilting. Was he really about to go through with this? 

Before his brain could come up with all the reasons he shouldn’t be doing this now, Eddie got up and went to Richie. He kissed him and once again his fingers found the bottom of Richie’s t-shirt. Eddie pulled it up and off. Thick dark hair adorned Richie’s chest and belly and Eddie ran his fingers through it, teasing his palms over Richie’s nipples. 

“Damn, I love it when you touch me,” Richie growled.

Ritichie leaned down and sucked and bit along Eddie’s neck while his hands untucked Eddie’s shirt and popped the button on his pants. Eddie let himself be undressed and the cool air against his skin made him shiver. He had just his boxers left, his erection tenting them obscenely. He wasn’t embarrassed about his body in any way. He wanted Richie to look at him, to see everything, even his flaws and scars, and bless those spots with his love too. 

“Lovely,” Richie murmured as his mouth trailed hot kisses over Eddie’s chest and shoulders. 

Eddie chuckled. Richie stripped off his own pants and underwear along with Eddie's boxers, then pushed Eddie back towards the couch. With a bit of awkward maneuvering Eddie was on his back, head propped on an armrest while Richie kneeled between Eddie's thighs. He softly stroked his hands along the sensitive skin of Eddie's inner thighs, testicles and cock. 

"You ready?" he asked.

Eddie nodded. 

Richie pressed Eddie's legs apart and up towards his chest, presenting his ass. Eddie flushed and looked away. The liquid tear of the lube packet made Eddie tense. 

"You gotta relax, deep breaths. I'm going to get you ready." 

"Have you ever done this?" Eddie asked and immediately regretted it. 

Richie smiled "Had sex with a man? Yes, I have." 

"No, I mean, been the one getting it up your ass " 

"Yeah. We can switch if you'd rather." 

"Does..." Eddie swallowed hard and forced himself to meet Richie's eyes. "Does it feel good? Being fucked?"

"I liked it," Richie said, "It was a bit uncomfortable at first but when I relaxed and got into it, the feeling was intense."

"Okay," Eddie said. "Just take it easy on me."

"I'll be gentle, I want you to love getting fucked by me." 

Richie poured some lube onto his fingers and circled Eddie's trembling hole. Eddie's hips twitched away and his thighs shook. 

"Look at me baby."

Eddie met Richie's eyes. There was so much love in those deep brown orbs that it filled Eddie with warmth. There was no one but Richie that he would trust to be inside him. Eddie took a deep breath and relaxed. As he did Richie slid a finger in. Eddie gasped at the slick sting. Richie thrust in and out with a smooth slow motion and Eddie’s cock throbbed in response. Richie noticed and he took Eddie’s prick in his other hand and stroked him. It was enough to make Eddie’s breath sharp and he tipped his head back at the slow build of pleasure. 

Another finger joined the first and Eddie keened. It created a delicious sort of burn that he’d never expected and he found himself pushing back against Richie’s hand. His fingers dug into the faux leather of the couch cushions anchoring him even as Richie swept him further out onto a sea of unknown ecstasy. 

After getting three fingers in, thrusting them hard so a squelching noise filled the room Richie decided Eddie was loosened up enough. He held out the condom to Eddie.

“Put it on me.” 

Eddie’s fingers shook as he tore open the package and took out the rubber. Richie was up on his knees, his cock jutting proudly from his dark thatch of public hair. Eddie placed a soft kiss on the tip before slowly rolling the condom over the head and down the shaft. 

Richie hissed as Eddie stroked him. He leaned down to kiss Eddie again, a rough meeting of lips and tongue. 

“Spread those legs for me,” Richie commanded. 

Eddie’s pulse pounded in his head and groin as he laid back and pulled his legs apart. Richie set his tip against Eddie’s entrance. 

“Now take deep breaths and let me know if you need me to stop for a bit.”

Eddie nodded, not trusting his voice. Richie tipped his hips and pushed in, Eddie’s body opened for him greedily. It was almost too much. Eddie’s chest got tight, making it hard to breathe, but he stayed in the moment, the look of bliss on Richie’s face his anchor. 

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Richie said as he bottomed out, his skin damp where it pressed against Eddie. 

“Well I guess technically you just popped my cherry,” Eddie said.

Richie chuckled. He pulled out and thrust back in slowly his eyes watching Eddie’s face closely. Eddie let out an undignified chirp and then covered his mouth. He imagined a huge crowd of people on the other side of the door just waiting for confirmation that they were, in fact, fucking in here. Richie leaned over him.

“When I get you home I’m going to fuck out every scream,” he murmured, his voice husky and deep. 

Eddie bit his bottom lip. Richie’s thrusts were smooth and deep and the fullness rubbing inside him made his cock leak a steady stream of fluid. He reached down and jerked himself, each stroke matching Richie’s rhythm. 

It felt good and he wiggled his hips, inviting Richie to go harder. 

“See? I knew you’d love it.”

Richie thrust in earnest, making Eddie’s breath hitch and his toes curl with pleasure. He was losing himself in the primitive swell of sex until a knock sounded at the door. Eddie let out a panicked squeak but Richie didn’t even lose his rhythm. 

“What is it?” he called.

Eddie twitched in panic, sure any minute the door would open. Richie gave him a devilish grin and thrust harder. 

“Hey, man the sets are done and we’re heading out to the floor, do you want to come?” came a deep masculine voice. 

Eddie was pinned as surely as a museum butterfly. Somehow knowing that someone was just outside had sharpened the sensations until he closed in on orgasm, his hand jerking helplessly even as he could hear the person on the other side of the door. 

“You know what man. I’ll be out in a bit, I’m catching up with an old friend,” Richie said, his voice somehow completely normal. 

“Sure thing dude, see you out there.”

Footsteps receded and Richie smirked.

“Didn’t know you had a thing for getting caught. You’re about to come aren’t you? I can feel you squeezing me. I bet if he’d opened the door you would have come all over yourself. You little slut.”

The humiliation tipped Eddie over and he whimpered as his cock pumped out hot jets over his belly and chest. His eyes fluttered up as the climax surged through him, like being hit with an electric pulse. His whole body trembled uncontrollably. 

“God damn, Eddie,” Richie huffed, his hips slapping hard against Eddie’s ass. He gripped Eddie’s waist and fucked him hard. Eddie held on tight, each thrust both pleasure and pain. 

Finally Richie pushed deep and he let out a low groan. Eddie reached up and pulled Richie down to his mouth, kissing him fiercely as Richie rode out his own orgasm. When he was sated he lay on top of Eddie still breathing hard. Eddie wanted this moment to last. Richie still hard inside him, but with the urgency gone they could relax into the connection. He ran his hands up and over Richie’s arms and back, reveling in the ability to have him like this. 

“I love you,” Eddie whispered. “I’m sorry I was such a coward about it.”

“Hey I get it, feelings are scary as hell.”

Eddie shook his head, “I’m not going to let fear keep us apart. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

“Me either. Now that I have you, I’m never going to want to let you go.”

The words pleased Eddie and he realized all the obstacles he’d put between them couldn’t stand in their way if he didn’t let them. It didn’t matter where they lived, or who knew about them, or judged them. All that mattered was the feeling of Richie’s heart beating right next to his, a symphony that finally made him whole and strong and unafraid.


End file.
